Anxiously Waiting

I just had my last assignment of my college career; my last presentation; my last dreaded school-related homework!
Well, I still have finals, but that's beside the point.

Sunday night, I sat, staring at my computer, for about two hours. And that's not including the time I spent doing other things that weren't essential to get done.
I vaguely remember Tiffanie questioning, "Why do I have to be so good at procrastinating?"
And I have to ask myself the same question.
When did I get so good at putting off schoolwork?
Why does writing a paper about a subject that I have no interest in bring me such dread?
Why couldn't I just sit and get it done?
When did not turning in my homework become okay?
Does that have anything to do with the increasing occurrence of not attending class?

I know that Matthew 6:34 says, "Therefore, do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."
But have I truly applied it to my life?

I am so excited, and so ready for the next stage of life to be here, that I think I'm already living it. Despite still being here physically, my heart is already on EDGE.

I've forgotten that in order to actually do EDGE, I have to first graduate. Which means I have to pass my classes, and in order to do that, I must study.

Is it a sense of "pride" that I have?
Oh, I'll graduate...God wants me to do EDGE, so He'll make it happen, even if I don't study.

It makes me feel sick, knowing that there are times I believe that thought.

I know that God could make that happen; He could do anything. But He has me in this place, as a student, for a purpose.

He also calls us to work at whatever we do with ALL our heart, as if working for the Lord. Kyu-Ho emphasized that whenever we work, we are communing with the Lord; that our hard work is pleasing to Him.

Waiting is defined as:
1) remaining inactive or in a state of repose, as until something expected happens
2) looking forward to eagerly.

While both of these apply to how i feel...only one of them is healthy.

I will admit, I am eagerly looking forward to being graduated and starting my job with Navs.
But, to remain inactive until that time, is not okay.
I've found my tendency, without self-control or discipline, is to want do just that--remain inactive.
Thank goodness that I've been given a spirit of self-discipline!

Proverbs 12:25 says, "An anxious heart weighs a man down, but a kind word cheers him up."

Last week was a hard week; I definitely felt the effects of my anxious heart...

Lord, I pray that you would take away my anxiety, and let me find rest in who you are, and where you have me these last couple weeks. Lord, your consolation brings joy to the soul; console me.