Written July 15, 2010 8:17 pm
When I first came to college, there were two genres of music that I couldn't stand.
Country and Christian.
That probably had something to do with the fact that my family extremely disliked them.
Looking back, it's crazy to see who I was, 4 years ago, as an 18-year old girl stepping onto campus. And how much I've changed. Or should I say, how much God has changed me.
It's not my doing, at all, that I am where I am today, about to embark on the first year of the ministry God has called me to do.
When I came to college, I began to realize what I liked, not what my parents liked;
how I wanted to live, not how my parents wanted me to live.
And somewhere in the process of figuring all this out, through my strugge to please them, He found me.
It is not anything I did; He has chosen me, set me apart, and knew me before I was even born.
When I listen to country music, it gently tugs at my heart, reminding me of who I was.
How I used to dislike it.
A lot.
How I couldn't understand how anyone could want to listen to it, much less enjoy it.
It was something I had "suffer" through on car rides...
Similar to my views on Christianity...
Country music helps paint a picture of how He's pursed me and romanced me.
I am loved.
Country music triggers the memory of where I used to be, and remembering that it is He who chose me and changed my heart.
I am humbled.
Country music awakens me to the reality that I am a new creation; the old has gone the new has come!
I am forgiven.
In reality, it's all Him. He has done all this and more.
I'm just amazed what He uses to remind me.
Like Country Music.
Do I? [make you proud]
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There's a difference between my father and my Heavenly Father.
I think all of us have a longing in our heart that desperately pleads:
"I'll make you proud, daddy, I promise."
The response is where it differs.
With one, there is a fear, an unknown that is heartbreaking in its uncertainty.
A fear that I no longer make him proud, that I'm no longer his little girl.
A heartbreaking thought that I'm not good enough, a disappointment.
A knowledge that the life I'm choosing to live isn't the life he'd have wanted me to have.
That unlike our genes, my passion and love for God isn't something we share.
I often wonder what he'd say if I asked him if he was proud of me...
With the other, there is an assurance, a complete trust that when I tell him "I'll make you proud, daddy, I promise." He responds gently and tenderly:
"You already have."
I think all of us have a longing in our heart that desperately pleads:
"I'll make you proud, daddy, I promise."
The response is where it differs.
With one, there is a fear, an unknown that is heartbreaking in its uncertainty.
A fear that I no longer make him proud, that I'm no longer his little girl.
A heartbreaking thought that I'm not good enough, a disappointment.
A knowledge that the life I'm choosing to live isn't the life he'd have wanted me to have.
That unlike our genes, my passion and love for God isn't something we share.
I often wonder what he'd say if I asked him if he was proud of me...
With the other, there is an assurance, a complete trust that when I tell him "I'll make you proud, daddy, I promise." He responds gently and tenderly:
"You already have."
Dying of Thirst
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Do you ever feel like you're drowning? In the midst of a big, beautiful ocean, the waves crashing on and around you. So much water, and from a distance, it appears be enough to satisfy your thirst for a lifetime.
Yet when you're in it, you soon realize that what had looked so appealing from the outside has, in fact, deceived you.
Surrounded by beautiful things that don't satisfy. Instead, with each new wave, they threaten to pull you down and overtake you.
Though you're submerged in water, you're...
Dying of thirst.
Ironic, isn't it?
Such is a life apart from Jesus.
"Come, all you who are thirsty, come to the waters;
and you who have no money, come, buy and eat!
Come, buy wine and milk without money and without cost.
Why spend money on what does not satisfy?
Listen, listen to me, and eat what is good,
and your soul will delight in the riches of fare.
Give ear an come to me; hear me, that your soul may live."
--Isaiah 55:1-3
I read these words, and I know they're TRUTH. I know they have transforming power. So I pray. God, awaken my soul. Use these words to convict me, draw me near to you, and make me feel the deepness of my hunger. I pray that everything I've been going to except you would taste like dust in my mouth. Like David, I want to long and thirst for you. I pray that nothing else would satisfy, even for just a brief moment.
I am parched, thirsty beyond belief.
I am starving, hungering for Your Word.
No longer do I want to crave delicacies, that which are deceptive.
No longer will I be taken in by the voice that says "Eat and drink," but his heart is not in it.
I want to desire the food that satisfies my soul, the richest of foods.
I want to drink of the living water so I will never thirst again.
"Then Jesus declared, 'I am the bread of life. He who comes to me will never go hungry, and he who believes in me will never be thirsty." --John 6:35
In the midst of everything: funding, surrendering, challenges, distractions, all I really want is the one who satisfies my soul.
He's the only one who can keep me from
Dying of thirst.
Yet when you're in it, you soon realize that what had looked so appealing from the outside has, in fact, deceived you.
Surrounded by beautiful things that don't satisfy. Instead, with each new wave, they threaten to pull you down and overtake you.
Though you're submerged in water, you're...
Dying of thirst.
Ironic, isn't it?
Such is a life apart from Jesus.
"Come, all you who are thirsty, come to the waters;
and you who have no money, come, buy and eat!
Come, buy wine and milk without money and without cost.
Why spend money on what does not satisfy?
Listen, listen to me, and eat what is good,
and your soul will delight in the riches of fare.
Give ear an come to me; hear me, that your soul may live."
--Isaiah 55:1-3
I read these words, and I know they're TRUTH. I know they have transforming power. So I pray. God, awaken my soul. Use these words to convict me, draw me near to you, and make me feel the deepness of my hunger. I pray that everything I've been going to except you would taste like dust in my mouth. Like David, I want to long and thirst for you. I pray that nothing else would satisfy, even for just a brief moment.
I am parched, thirsty beyond belief.
I am starving, hungering for Your Word.
No longer do I want to crave delicacies, that which are deceptive.
No longer will I be taken in by the voice that says "Eat and drink," but his heart is not in it.
I want to desire the food that satisfies my soul, the richest of foods.
I want to drink of the living water so I will never thirst again.
"Then Jesus declared, 'I am the bread of life. He who comes to me will never go hungry, and he who believes in me will never be thirsty." --John 6:35
In the midst of everything: funding, surrendering, challenges, distractions, all I really want is the one who satisfies my soul.
He's the only one who can keep me from
Dying of thirst.
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