Do I? [make you proud]

There's a difference between my father and my Heavenly Father.

I think all of us have a longing in our heart that desperately pleads:

"I'll make you proud, daddy, I promise."

The response is where it differs.

With one, there is a fear, an unknown that is heartbreaking in its uncertainty.
A fear that I no longer make him proud, that I'm no longer his little girl.
A heartbreaking thought that I'm not good enough, a disappointment.

A knowledge that the life I'm choosing to live isn't the life he'd have wanted me to have.
That unlike our genes, my passion and love for God isn't something we share.

I often wonder what he'd say if I asked him if he was proud of me...

With the other, there is an assurance, a complete trust that when I tell him "I'll make you proud, daddy, I promise." He responds gently and tenderly:

"You already have."